Archive for December, 2006

Mano Po 5 (Gua Ai Di) & Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo

Saturday, December 30th, 2006

For the last 5 years, during Christmas, my sister and I would watch at least 1 tagalog film being featured in the Manila Filmfest. There are no other options to watch during Christmas except tagalog films but of course I don’t mind watching tagalog films with my sister. In fact, it was only this kind of movie date that my sister and I have the chance to spend quality time with one another and talk about anything as how you would talk with your closest friends.

This year, we watched 2 films — Mano Po 5 (Gua Ai Di) and Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo. And given these 2 movies, my personal choice is (with regards to actors/actresses and the story), is Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo.

Here’s the synopsis of Mano Po 5 (Gua Ai Di) taken from clickthecity.com: Charity is pure Chinese while Nathan has no drop of Chinese blood in him. This is not a problem between them, but it is for Charity’s mother Yolanda, who is strongly against the relationship. When her childhood friend Timothy–who’s now big in Asia as the singer Felix Yan–comes home to visit, Charity’s world gets especially hard. Charity must prove to everyone, from Nathan to her family, where her loyalties lie even as her mother does everything in her power to tear the two young lovers apart. How strong is their love against years-old tradition?

My thoughts about the movie: I will not deny the fact that Chinese families prefer (in some sense: a requirement, a must) their children to get betrothed to a fellow Chinese – maintain the tradition and customs being followed, and it will not be seen as a disgrace in the family especially if the relationship is involving a Chinese woman and a non-Chinese man (but then again I don’t know why here in the Philippines, if a Chinese woman marries a non-Chinese specifically not a Filipino, it would be acceptable …hmmm). The unrealistic part in the movie is that Charity’s relationship with Nathan is acceptable by Charity’s grandmother (mother’s side)! It was Charity’s grandmother insistence to Charity to follow her heart. Well, of course, I could be wrong, na posibleng mangyari din ito sa totoong buhay but I find that uncommon :p The moment a relationship is not approved by the parents, the entire clan (grandparents, cousins, uncles and aunties etc) will not approve as well. Sympre, I would love to be in Charity’s shoes when it comes to the ending part of the movie – Charity’s mom was the one who fetch Nathan for their family activity and accepted Nathan’s relationship with Charity.

Few people I know (or at least heard about their adventures in their lovelife) would do what Charity did – despite of her mom’s disapproval for Nathan, she still let Nathan join their family activities, and fights her love for Nathan to her mom and would do things to let Nathan know of her love for him. It would take a lot of courage on the woman’s part to fight for her love and at the same time not lose her respect towards her parents. Also, to find a guy like Nathan who would do anything just to get the approval of Charity’s mom (i.e. learning Chinese/fookien language; willing to adjust himself for Charity’s family, knowing the traditions and customs and etc).. Naku, kung may makilala akong ganoon, hay that person is “too good to be true” :p

Their Fookien? Requires more practice. Peke ang dating.. but of course, in fairness naman e hindi sila talagang Chinese sa totoong buhay. But I guess with the assumptions that actors will do a lot of practice to make themselves realistic in any movies they will make. For this film, they failed. Slang ang kanilang fookien :p

For the movie Kasal, Kasali, Kasalo, here’s the synopsis from clickthecity.com: When they meet, Angie and Jed are immediately drawn to each other. But his mother is urging him to join the family in the States, and she is frustrated that he still can’t make his own decisions. So he does-and it leads them both to the altar. Things are only about to get more interesting as they start a life together and try to build a family, all while dealing with his elitist mother and her own more humble, if not less tactless, mother. It is a funny movie but with a story and lessons to learn from. Actually no new things can be learned from this movie, but more on reminding us on some realities in life. For instance, in Angie’s talk with her dad, her dad mentioned something like (not in actual words but same thought) “kilalanin mo muna bago pakasalan” and also after Jed’s and Angie’s wedding, jed’s commented na (something to that effect) “you will get to know the person once you are married to him/her” – I guess even we are sure of our emotions to the person we love, we cant really tell if we know the person very well. Kahit may mga ups and downs sa relationships, still may not be enough. It will always be an exploration of knowing more of the person we love in or not-yet in the marriage. Sympre nanduon din ang constant adjustments as we are “getting to know one another” in fact sa friendship pa lang, we do a lot of adjustments na, what more if we are committed? What struck me also in the movie was “pakakasalan ang isang tao dahil sya, at hindi para baguhin”. Very well said.

….love a person, marry a person because of who he/she is, how he/she was packaged.. loving him/her despite of weaknesses, indifference and faults.. but simply you love the person. :-)

Hay, what a life :p

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If Men were like buses, How do I catch one?

Wednesday, December 27th, 2006
From a friend of mine in the Singles Apostolate of St. James the
Great.
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Last March 2002, I read the book entitled "If Men were like buses, How do I catch one?" by Michelle McKinney Hammond. I have highlighted the more practical parts of the book. I tried to extract its essence and put together a summary below. Most of you have asked me where you could find the book, Since you have a hard time doing so, I hope this article will suffice for the meantime. Feel free to distribute to those whom you’ll think will stand to benefit from this article. God bless in your journey! =)  Pam

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If men were like buses, how do you catch one?

A more important questions is - how do you catch the RIGHT one?
Simple : You take only the bus that’s headed the RIGHT direction.

First we must allow our Heavenly Father to do the picking. And second, the decision for a mate must be made on a spiritual and intellectual basis before its made on an emotional one.

What about love?, you ask. I’ll tell you why. "The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? (Jer 17:9).

The heart is willful and is driven by its own agenda. It does not consider things rationally and intelligently - it just loves to love! Therefore you have to point it in the right directions: "Above
all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life" (Proverbs 4:23).

Whenever you meet a man, you need to get clearance from God, check out his attributes, and then allow your heart to engage.

Dating exists not for mating; it exists for collecting data. I believe that the biblical design would be friendship, courtship and then marriage. Friendship is two people walking together in
agreement and accountability, learning and growing together.

Courtship follows the mutual agreement to commit to one another exclusively - it is the decisive turning toward the agreed-upon goal of the marriage altar. It is a period of laying a foundation and preparing your life together after marriage. But dating? Well, if
you do date, use the time wisely to gather facts.

So when you do gather facts, let us compare the process to clothes shopping.

1. Check out the fabric. Is the person mate material? Does this man have an intimate relationship with the Father through Jesus Christ?

Does he care what God thinks about his behavior? Is he accountable to God as well as another co-laborer in the faith? Accountability is an important factor. It is imperative to maintaining a committed relationship.

Is your potential spouse a member of the same family - the family of God? Scripture is clear on this : "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (2 Cor
6:14).

You need to have common interest and values and agree on the essentials of living day to day. You have a similar spiritual walk. You eat the same diet. You enjoy a lot of similar things. You have like interests, like goals in life, like opinions on basic life
issues. You have had like experiences in your background. Though there is some truth to the idiom that opposites attract, like-minded folks fare better together.

Furthermore,does he want to get married? If you want to be married and your dreamboat isn’t interested, don’t waste your time.

Remember, women fall in love and get married. Men decide to get married and then look for a wife. Note the difference in order. So if a guy says he’s not looking for anything serious, take his words seriously. If he’s not going your direction, get off the bus & wait
for the right one.

2. Does this man want you? Is he pursuing you? The man who is right for you will pursue you and God’s hand in the relationship will be clear. No guessing, no fleeces, no dead ends. Scripture says: "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the
Lord"( Prov 18:22). Note - who finds whom? THE MAN FINDS THE WIFE.
From the beginning of time, God has transported men & women across the world in order to put them together. At the RIGHT TIME, He will bring that man on the scene and he will find you.

In God’s perfect design, the man is the one who recognizes his mate. Adam has no problem recognizing that Eve was his missing rib. You do not need to strategically place yourself anywhere. You don’t have to help a guy out because he’s shy. Men will do whatever they have to do to get what they truly want.

The man in your life should recognize you as the pearl of great price in his life and be willing to do whatever he must in order to gain your hand. If he is passive about gaining your affections, take it as a sign that he is not interested. Many a woman’s mother has suggested that it is a good idea to marry a man who loves you more than you love him. As cold as that sounds, it actually might be scriptural if you stop to think about it : "We love him because he
first loved us" (1 Jn 4:19).

Until then, take the ultimate chill pill. You don’t need a bunch of men in your life to make you feel all right about yourself. You need only one man- your man, the one God has selected to select you. And trust me, the right man at the wrong time can be just as awful as
the wrong man at any time. So trust God’s timing in this. He is the ultimate matchmaker. Relax, sit pretty and allow yourself to be found.

Again - WAIT until the man voices his intentions. He should take the lead in estabilishing the relationship. You may have an inkling that he is the one, but God will use the man to set the tone of the relationship. Allow him the opportunity to woo you - this is your first act of submission. Jesus set the standard for all men to follow. They should love us first. And they should lead the relationship.

3. The man in your life should not desire to move into your house, only into your heart. A man who prepares for your future has made his intentions clear. A man who is husband material has the means to take care of a wife. He is a responsible human being who understands
he needs to have something to offer. In short, a man should have the means to be a suitable lover for you.

4. Check out his buddies. Everyone knows birds of the same feather flock together, yet most women fail to see the connection between a man and his friends. A man’s pals tell you a lot about the person that you haven’t seen yet. They reveal things about the guy’s character that might be hidden when he is on good behavior. Everyone knows how to put his best foot forward. Don’t stay focused on the foot, check out the rest of the body!

5. Check out his relationship with his mother. How does he treat her? This is your preview of how he will treat you. There are lots of men who, because of a negative relationship with their mothers, really don’t like women, yet say they do. Unresolved issues between mother and son continue between husband and wife.  Or if he is submissive to his parents, can he make decisions by himself, voice out his thoughts and making his parents understand his views and respect is still given to his parents?

6. Remember that a man’s family reveals the cloth from which he’s cut. Take note and decide whether you want your future with the man in your life to look like his present family situation.

7. Check out the patterns of his life. Do you see repeated cycles of drama in his personal kindgom? broken relationships? problems in making commitments? including the job market? mood swings? Is a problem always someone else’s fault? Does he embrace responsibility
or shirk it? Does he keep his promises? Is he a man of good reputation?

Remember all garments look wonderful hanging in the store, but with wear, some being to unravel. Give yourself time and space to check out the man in your life. Time will always reveal whether or not he is made of the right stuff.

8. Does this man have a vision for his life? Is he running with that vision? Remember, God decided Adam needed help once Adam got busy DOING his assignment. As we saw Adam, a man doesn’t need help until he is busy doing what he was created and called to do.

Is your guy guided by a sense of destiny and purpose, or does he just allow life to happen around him? A man who is not certain of his mission can be a most miserable person - and you’ll be miserable too if you know where YOU want to go in life. A man who has vision
is not intimidated by a woman whose mission statement is clear. He will be your best ally, cheerleader and assistant because he wants you both to make it! A man who cannot be supportive of your achievements because he is floundering in a sea of uncertainty over
his own life is not a healthy partner to have and to hold forever. Creating dependencies or feelings of obligation is not the way to get the best out of your man. Somewhere along the way, he will resent you and flee from the smothering burden of obligation he associates you with.

You want a man who is firmly anchored in his indentity in Christ. Remember, we are looking for a man who will be priest and leader of his home. His first instinct should be to want to cover you, redeem you, and provide for you. Your job is to decide if this is the man
God has ordained for you to complement.

9. Complementarity. Do your talents and gifts complement his? Do his gifts complement yours? What about your temperaments? Do you see the two of you as an effective team capable of bringing blessing to the lives of those around you? Do your futures mesh? Can you coordinate your gifts in an attractive and effective way?

This is why knowing your purpose is so important. Make sure your hearts beat for mutual causes.

When I go shopping always consider the fabric, the fit and what I already have in my closet. Will my next purchase be a complementary addition to what I already have? If I find that I am going to have to buy shoes and matching accessories to go with a new outfit, I leave it right on the rack. It is too expensive a proposition.

If the man you meet makes you feel that you need to completely reinvent yourself, something is wrong. This is where I ask you to consider the relationship in terms of cost. Is this relationship expensive spritually, emotional or physically? Does your longing for
a mate make you willing to forfeit who you are in the process? Or does he see you as the gift that you are?

The man in your life should consider you a rare find, a priceless jewel - because of you he is getting ready to get blessed big-time! Any relationship that causes you to feel unworthy, unlovely, unacceptable, undesirable or that you have to work for love, is too expensive!

God has called the man to cover, protect and provide not only materially for a woman, but emotionally and spiritually as well. You should be richer in mind, body and spirit for your union with the man of your dreams. The man in your life should make rich deposits into your heart and spirit, not withdrawals.

10. Does he have a healthy love & acceptance of himself? Make sure the man in your life has taken time to heal from past relationships and has made peace with himself. How he cares for himself is how he will care for you.

A man’s relationship with God is crucial here. His love for himself will only be as strong as his love for God. This is not something that you can impart. You cannot be his savior or teacher. That is out of spiritual order. In his rightful place as your personal priest, he should be leading you to a richer relationship with Christ. If he is causing you to compromise your faith and
destabilize your walk, if he is leading you into sexual sin or causing you to be distracted from your commitment to Christ, the relationship is too expensive. Offending the Lover of your soul, who promises you eternal love, is too high a fare to pay for a ride that has a limited run.

If you and your man can’t soar in the Spirit, when the force of your love for another is tested by the pull or gravity of the world, your union will not be able to survive.

So you decide. How much is your life worth? How much is your love worth? You will be able to accept only what you believe you deserve. God himself calculated the worth of your love and decided it was worth His life. He now pledges you His love for eternity. Yes, Jesus
sets the example for all others to follow when He paid a ransom for His bride. Should you expect less from a mortal man?

Throughout the bibilical age, men were willing to pay the cost for the hand that they desired. The truth of the matter is, everyone knows that anything worth having, costs. And no one gets a ride in this life for free.

Your prayer:

Dear Heavenly Father,

I confess that I have not always been as careful as I should’ve been with my heart. From time to time, my desire for love has caused me to leave my heart in the wrong hands. I now commit my heart into Your hands for safekeeping.

Please help me to stop being so impulsive with what you deem so precious. As I learn to celebrate Your love for me, let me learn from Your example what a bridegroom should really be like. Help me to never settle for less than what you desire for me.

As I embrace You as the Lover of my soul, keep my affections in the haven of Your own heart. As I rest in Your love, make me more discriminating of those who approach me. I ask that You take over this area of my life. Keep me from those You know would hurt my heart. I invite You to set a hedge around me and keep me from all who would draw me into unfruitful relationships until the day you present me to the mate that You have selected for me.

Grant me the discernment to recognize him as he recognizes me. Cleanse me from the temptation to typecast the men I meet according to what I see. Help me to trust in Your knowledge and lean not on my own understanding. I know that You know what is best for me; therefore I yield to Your choice. In Jesus’ Name, I pray. Amen.

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